Wanting to be accepted and important to the TRIBE is what kept our ancestors alive— it’s hardwired into us. But there’s a difference between wanting to be liked and not showing up for fear of being disliked, getting things wrong, or being imperfect. Here’s how to approach the discomfort of this space.
The idea that whiteness equals goodness is so insidious that most of us aren't even aware of the thought. But if I can admit that yes, even I have white supremacist thoughts, I can begin to change things. Denial, shame, or self-loathing doesn’t do anything. Self-honesty about my privilege and a commitment to action does.
I know there’s a moment in your past when you KNEW you were walking the wrong way (in a job, relationship, creative endeavor, etc) but you just kept going because you’d already put so much work in.
You told yourself it was commitment (“I’m just working hard/staying the path/not giving up”) but you felt tired all the time, didn’t like yourself, and began resenting everything and everybody in this particular life arena.
And then eventually, things exploded anyway.
Guess what? You can learn from this. Today.
You do not have to be ready, an expert, or always be sure in order to share yourself or your ideas with the world. Imperfect selves and work are how we get to be the people (and have the lives) that we want. You’re going to get things wrong sometimes. You’re going to stumble, screw up, or just generally look like an amateur. I am too, and that’s the only really brave way to live life. By showing up anyway. But how do we actually do that?
Why was I so afraid of making mistakes?
It all comes down to the same reason any of us ever do anything, whether it was in high school or now: because of a story I believed.
A “story” is a piece of cultural conditioning, a construct we’ve bought into, or simply a thought that we’ve decided is true about ourselves and life.
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