(Disclaimer to my readers: this blog is about a continued journey of uncovering my own white supremacy, and is written at the risk of “centering” myself in order to educate and inform other white people. I will totally get this wrong - thanks for correcting me where needed and helping me to fail forward.)
I used to think that race wasn’t that big of a deal.
As a white child raised in the nineties, I learned to praise “colorblindness” and thought that all life outcomes were the result of hard work (or a lack thereof.)
The old “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” mentality ran deep, even while being raised in a liberal, educated, never explicitly racist household.
To me, the racists were the KKK members who spray painted the N word on country roads outside town. I believed white supremacy was mostly in the past and “out there” in the world—not within my community or family.
I definitely didn’t think it was within me.
**
White supremacy is everywhere.
As I got older and more educated, I slowly became aware of how present-day racism works.
Turns out you don’t have to be burning crosses or using the N word to be a part of an oppressive system. White supremacy percolates every nook and cranny of a society that was built upon idealizing and catering to whites while dehumanizing black skin.
I can’t begin to summarize nearly 400 years of oppression and the present-day consequences, so I won’t; please read the resources included below to begin (or continue) your own education and awareness. Follow the links, follow the teachers, and financially support the work it took for them to curate these resources. I am doing the same to further understand the present-day aspects of racism.
But understanding oppression means nothing until we admit our part in it.
And, if we are white, admitting our part is necessary if we’re going to actually change things.
**
Racism is an infection in the body of America.
When I was twenty, I fell and busted my knee wide open while on a ghost hunt one night. The gash required thirteen stitches and healed into a gnarly scar – but part of why it scarred so badly is that the night I got it cleaned up and stitched, some gravel was left in the wound.
I didn’t know it until a few days later when the stitches got all swollen, red, and I began feeling really ill. The wound had become infected and jumped to my bloodstream and now shit was serious. I went back to the ER, got it cleaned out for real, and then the recovery started in earnest.
I had to get the deeply buried gravel out for the actual healing to start.
The first step to getting the gravel out was admitting it was there.
You see where I’m going, right?
**
“I am a part of white supremacy.”
Most of what I teach as a writer and coach involves examining our thoughts and stories.
I guide people to not just examine the thoughts they’re aware of, but those that they’re not. For example, many women dislike their bodies and say it’s because they’re “fat” or “getting old.” I help them to realize that while they may not be wrong (the facts might point to a high BMI or advanced age) the reason they feel like shit about these things is because we’ve been enculturated to feel that those circumstances are BAD.
Our indoctrination into this culture has told us what is right (young, thin) and wrong (old, fat.)
The conditioning is so insidious that these thoughts don’t even feel like choices, but instead truth, reality, and the “way things are.”
And as deeply embedded as these thoughts on body-image (for example) go, they’re nothing compared to the iceberg of “whiteness=goodness” that America rests on.
This idea of “whiteness=goodness” has been the reason I’ve been trying to write this blog all week and then deleting it.
This is my present day white privilege at work.
Below are some privileged thoughts I’ve had and my unpacking beneath them. I share these in case they overlap with yours and can help you cut through your own white privilege shit storm of thoughts.
“I need to say the right thing or else I will lose credibility.”
Why is this privileged? I started life with credibility because I have white skin. Yes, I have since “earned” more with my readers– but white privilege is the fact that I never had to consider my race when thinking about my credibility.
“I don’t want to say something imperfectly that gets me called out or in trouble. I see other white people getting torn to shreds by showing up imperfectly.”
It is my privilege to wait until I feel perfect to address my own racism and that of others. If my child’s life depended on the dismantling of white supremacy, would I wait until I was perfect to change how I show up? Nope, I’d be doing the imperfect work of actively changing how I show up in the world. It is my own “white fragility” that tells me being wrong in public equates to being “torn to shreds.” As a white woman, I am not used to this lack of public approval and “rightness.”
“Thinking about racism now just shows how privileged I am because this stuff is ALWAYS happening, so why am I not ALWAYS doing anti-racism work in my own life?”
I DO need to always be actively engaging in this work, not just when the whole world is talking about a problem that always exists. But what I should NOT do is follow this thought into a shame spiral.
Like anything, the difference between guilt (I screwed up) and shame (I AM a screw up) matters here. Hanging my head in metaphoric shame will not stop black and brown people from being killed. I will own the things I should have been doing, admit my complicity in an oppressive system, and call in the racist parts of myself.
If I can admit that yes, even I have white supremacist thoughts because of my enculturation, I can begin to change things. Denial, shame, or self-loathing doesn’t do anything. Self-honesty and a commitment to action does.
**
The gravel of white supremacy is within us – we are all infected.
Will we deny it and instead point the finger at our “more racist” family or counterparts?
Will we put a Black Lives Matter sign in our yard but not recognize how we ourselves are still participating in black lives NOT mattering?
Will we weep in sadness over the recent murder of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor but return to our own status quo when the protesting stops?
Will we educate ourselves on black history and recognize that it shapes the very ground we stand on today – and with that knowledge, sacrifice some unearned privilege?
I am vowing to do better. And I’m uncomfortable AF.
Join me?
Below are lists of resources for beginning or continuing your anti-racism work. These have been largely curated by black experts who do this work all the time – a first step for anyone who is new to this is to follow, read, watch, and listen to these voices– and be prepared for the guilt or discomfort that might follow.
When forging these arenas, it’s also important that we (white people) don’t ask people of color to explain things, comfort our feelings, or give us praise for being an ally. It’s what we’re supposed to do and that longing for a gold star (guilty) is also our privilege at work.
Below I’m going to list some black activists, educators, and authors I suggest following. Please choose one and patronize their work.
If you’d like somewhere to start I would suggest becoming a patron of Shishi Rose, a writer, activist, doula, and new mother.
In a world where black mothers are over two and a half times more likely to die in childbirth than their white counterparts, her work is life saving - and her space challenges me to more closely examine my own privilege on the daily.
Pay Shishi Rose here: https://www.shishirose.com/supportmywork
Follow her here: https://www.instagram.com/shishi.rose/?hl=en
Follow/pay these accounts/people/orgs:
https://www.instagram.com/thelovelandfoundation/
https://www.instagram.com/rachel.cargle/
https://www.instagram.com/austinchanning/
https://www.instagram.com/blackandembodied/
https://www.alexispmorgan.com/?fbclid=IwAR2Gd024rBNOYCZFwfToEpLwzeTivOZdEcO_P970UAYZE-vL1p_1fAutWMI
Help pay for community activism (which is largely done for free by unpaid authors/artists/community leaders) here
https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/support-the-people
Education
Antiracism resources for white people:
http://bit.ly/ANTIRACISMRESOURCES.
Read:
Learn about the invisible knapsack of privilege you carry if you’re white here:
https://psychology.umbc.edu/files/2016/10/White-Privilege_McIntosh-1989.pdf
Learn how to fight racism through inner work and mindfulness
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_fight_racism_through_inner_work
On what being anti-racist even means
https://www.vox.com/2020/6/3/21278245/antiracist-racism-race-books-resources-antiracism
Follow Austin Channing Brown on Instagram below. On her profile you’ll find a story labeled “homework.” It contains explicit 1-2-3-etc steps toward anti-racism education and work
https://www.instagram.com/austinchanning/?hl=en
Read this long but important essay
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/06/the-case-for-reparations/361631/
For parents:
Children’s books on race and resistance
Do:
Rachel Cargle’s free 30 day “Do the Work” course
https://instagram.us18.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=e7528b5266e654d0ce83c211d&id=1e469b88c0
Watch
“Systemic racism explained”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrHIQIO_bdQ
“13th” (documentary on Netflix)
https://www.netflix.com/title/80091741
Learn about the OJ trial from a racially informed perspective here
http://www.espn.com/30for30/ojsimpsonmadeinamerica/
Listen to these podcasts
1612 (podcast)
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/01/23/podcasts/1619-podcast.html
Codeswitch (podcast that explores how racism influences all parts of society)
https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510312/codeswitch
I know that I left so much out. There is so much unlearning and re-learning to do.
Please do not double over in the overwhelm of “what do I do first?” and simply choose an action to start with.
Love you guys. Let’s keep doing the hard things.
Xo
Melissa