I recently made a post about a subject I find fascinating - inherited family trauma and how it might be affecting our lives today. The response was wildly divisive.
You can watch the video at the bottom of this post, but the gist of my point was that the issues/anxiety/stories you've been carrying may not have even started in your life.
There's evidence to show that we can inherit and carry reactive behaviors and mannerisms for at least three but possibly up to SEVENTEEN generations back.
So that seemingly unexplained fear you've had of driving, or the anxiety that appeared out of nowhere at a certain age - it might have origins in ancestors that you may have never met. (This has major implications for those who come from indigenous, colonized, and/or enslaved ancestors, as well as those who colonized and enslaved them. It's a BIG topic.)
As a whole, this video seemed to cause one of two reactions:
The first was an understanding-based relief (so THAT'S why I'm this way!) and people who had instant clarity of how they became who they are. The other common reaction was a nihilistic doom - people who had a general "we're all screwed and always have been so what's the point?" (There was also a ton of "this is why I'm never having kids" sprinkled in there.)
But there was a common question from all camps...
So now what? How do we heal?
This right here is the only reason we should even care about this stuff - because of how it can free us in our present day lives.
I believe that it's totally possible to have a backwards and forwards intergenerational healing when we become aware of inherited family wounding. Just as much as we can give weight to the pain we might be carrying, that same pain is coming into our awareness right NOW in this body at this time for healing.
So how?
One way to start is by talking to our families and excavating the stories; when we better understand what our predecessors went through we can better understand ourselves (which is why filling out a Questions You'll Wish You Asked journal can be helpful in explaining and connecting family stories. There are lots of questions that gently encourage families to talk about the big stories in the family line that make an impact on every generation after.)
We can also heal by finding ways into the BODY (where beliefs might be lodged) and releasing them - releasing in ways that the mind just isn't capable of.
I learned the power of the body when I began practicing breathwork a few years back, and having this pathway open (after years of talking/writing/understanding myself to death) has been transformative. I believe in it so much I got trained in facilitating Clarity breathwork, which has its origins in the rebirthing movement and directly interfaces with birth story material and ancestral lineage. If this sounds like a pathway you're interested in, you should join us at the virtual women’s circle this coming Sunday - we'll be doing a short practice.
And finally, a reminder that you didn't JUST inherit trauma and muck - I believe you also inherited lots of beautiful and creative things too. Your penchant for soulful piano music, the way you feel more alive when you're near the ocean, how your smile has always put strangers at ease...you might have your great great grandparent to thank for that bit of you, too. It's not all bad, my friend.
Sorta like the commentary of this video, I think much of what we can heal depends on where we put our attention. Regardless of what you inherited from your ancestors, what is already good and right about you?
Place a hand on your heart and take a deep breath into that.
You (and your family line) made it this far for a reason.
xo
Melissa
If you're fascinated by this topic, I recommend checking out this book and this podcast.
If you want to come try breathwork at the women's circle this weekend...
Join Us March 19th
This circle will include:
Compassionate witnessing: Sharing your truth in a supportive group of women without judgement, anyone trying to fix you, or being given advice: we are simply holding sacred space for each other’s experiences
Support given and received through active listening: It’s amazing how hearing someone else's truth can be a salve for our own pain, and also remind us that we’re not alone
Simple breathwork practices to take back to regular life: I’ll lead some grounding visualizations, a closing breathwork ceremony, and incorporate some small rituals that create a sacred container for our circle
A template for starting a circle of your own: If you’ve ever wanted to start a circle or group of your own, this is a chance to experience one version (and take what you want, leave what you don’t)
THIS CIRCLE IS FOR YOU IF:
You identify as a woman+: This is a group aimed at the experience of women+. Please know that if you identify as a woman or femme in any way you are welcome in this inclusive space
You long for more community, connection, and support
You’re willing to practice being vulnerable by witnessing and sharing with other open-hearted women
THIS CIRCLE MIGHT NOT BE FOR YOU IF:
You are not fully available during this time. In order to cultivate intimacy and trust in a virtual setting, it’s important that you are fully present on screen and willing to participate. (Basically, this is not a place to simply observe or keep your camera off the entire time. In order to create a container of safety we want you with us, even if you’ve got unwashed hair and peanut butter on your shirt! Wait, is that just me?)
You are in the midst of crisis (the circle can compliment therapy but is not a substitute for it)
If all of that sounds like you, I’d love to have you join us at the virtual women’s circle.
Sign up here
Date: Sunday March 19th 2023
Time: 11-12:30pm PST
$25
This amount supports the technical costs associated with this circle, as well as the bandwidth I use to facilitate it. If it presents a financial hardship, please just reach out to me - I don’t want that to be a barrier.
I am so looking forward to sharing space with you.
Here’s the video that I referenced in this post
ARE YOU ASKING THE QUESTIONS YOU’LL WISH YOU HAD?
The Questions You’ll Wish You Asked journals are designed to build connection and legacy between parents and children. Consider writing down answers for your kids, asking questions of your family members, or sending one of the Questions You’ll Wish You Asked journals to a person you care about today.
If you know a motherless mother, I made some journals for her…
